Turn, Turn, Turn

Here we are again at the end of another summer. Leaves are already falling in my neighborhood- big ones from the oak trees. Julia seems to wonder at the crunch as she walks. This also means it is time for another school year to begin. It is interesting that for the last 24 years or so of my life, my years have been measured by the coming and going of the school calendar- by Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks, Martin Luther King day… I was just thinking about the fact that I haven’t gone one year without either being in school or teaching it since I was, say, 5 years old? I buy my planners in the July-June versions, never the January to December variety.

How is it that we measure the cycles of our lives? The passing of a year brings with it its own natural cycle- the coming of darkness and the festivals of lights, and then the slow reawakening of the Earth as life once again visibly emerges. Do we still notice these comings and goings, or are we caught by surprise when, once again, it is Christmas already? Wow, that summer really flew by… I can’t believe it’s September again. In one of my favorite movies, the maid remarks on Halloween, “Another Halloween! We’re all another year older!”

These events remind us of the passing of time and give structure to a year. It seems that humans, as part of even the earliest cultures, mark these passages with significance. However, today many of these ceremonies have been usurped by commercialism… Better stock up for summer… time for Halloween decorations, only 53 shopping days left ‘till Christmas. Granted, I’ve done my fair share of shopping to be sure. I’m starting to wonder, though, if it would be of more significance to simply Be with those around me.

Why is it that the holidays always seem to sneak up on us? Why is it such a surprise that it is December already? I know that, especially when teaching, I often am so go-go-go that I fail to notice that the trees are now bare or are beginning to bud. We all lead such busy lives that noticing such subtleties is often lost in the whirlwind of activity. We may go to a park, but we jog through it.  

As another school year begins, I realize that, inevitably, at some point I will buried in labs to grade, trying to keep up with the laundry, and generally running around like a crazy person. I am going to try, however, to take some time to sit (yes, this needs to be a goal for me) and just be. Or take Julia out to notice some of those subtleties before they pass us by. I want her to know the natural world and to become aware of its ever-presence. The leaves are falling.        

Dirty Laundry

As the summer is coming to a close, I am more and more feeling the need to somehow squeeze every last drop of fun that I can out of the precious few days remaining (14, but who's counting?). Staying at home with my daughter all summer has been challenging to say the least, but as going back to work fast approaches I have to admit that I am feeling.... well, a variety of emotions about leaving her again. On the one hand, most working moms never get a chance to have months of uninterrupted time with their children and many would jump at the chance. On the other hand, having the time makes it all the harder to go back and the ever-present guilt of being a working mom is felt all the more acutely. Summer is the proverbial double-edged sword.

In response to this guilt, I find myself looking for the mommy and kiddo things to do with Julia that we will either no longer be able to do, or will be more difficult to manage once I go back to work. Library story time for instance, or toddler swim at the pool. Spending the morning at the park with a friend, going to the zoo all day, or heading downtown. Granted, there are the weekends and some of these things are feasible, but the weekend can turn into, “Okay, how much stuff can we cram into two days- laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning… What needs to get done?”

Then again, maybe I need to change my perspective on how I spend my time. Although the grocery shopping must get done, perhaps I can do that on my way home from work and have more time on the weekend to chill. Does is matter if my house is a wreck? The chaos does start to get to me after a while, but a nightly sweep to clear the major disasters will probably suffice. We are human. We live here. Home magazines do not demonstrate reality.

I fully admit that I am not telling a new story here. I am not shedding light on some universal truth that has never been told before. However, I believe that this struggle of balance for working folk (with or without children) is a persistent theme. I recently had the pleasure of seeing “Eat, Pray, Love” with my best friend, with whom I have seen many a good movie. This is not the place for a movie review (I’ll leave that to her), but one thing that I did come away with was that we can really get caught up in doing things that we think are important but realistically are not. Building a so-called “perfect” life with granite countertops and remodeled bathrooms might look pretty on the outside, but inside the picture can be completely different. The seemingly perfect couple with the house in the ‘burbs can be completely unhappy and dissatisfied because they have been working only on the surface appearance. Have you heard this before? Yes. Is it worth hearing one more time, cliché though it may be? I think so.  

I come from a family that is deeply rooted in appearances and carrying on normalcy when the H-bomb could be heading straight for us. Duck and cover, la la la, but look good doing it. It’s time to admit that I have dirty laundry- literally all over my house, and sometimes figuratively as well. Most importantly, I need to admit this to myself and allow myself to accept that “it” isn’t all going to get done. I won’t be the perfect super mom who can do it all with finesse, but I can do my best. That means that the dirty laundry will pile up, toys will be strewn on the floor, and I may find Cheerios where they aren’t supposed to be. If you come to my house, you aren’t going to find granite countertops or perfectly arranged flowers on the mantle, but I think we’ll have a good time anyway. That’s just how I roll.